In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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