Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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