Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
