she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
