**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
