Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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