Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
