I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sober January is a disaster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
