oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
