i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
