I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
