I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
