he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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