I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She even gives head with a lisp.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
try to milk me bitch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
