A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You pole danced in your parka.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
