i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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