Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
