**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
