My balls are so social today.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
