I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
