His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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