I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
