I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
