When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So much rum. So many feels.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
