Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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