I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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