You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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