I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
