What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
