she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
