Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
