theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
