I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
