By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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