yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
