Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
