i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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