My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
