put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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