What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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