Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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