How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
