Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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