if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
