come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
