16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
