brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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