ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
