Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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