Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
