Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
