This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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