he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
