Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
