I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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